11 Tricks Players Use to Get You Into Bed (And How to Outsmart Them)
You know that sinking feeling.
He was charming, attentive, and just the right amount of emotionally mysterious. Maybe even mentioned therapy. You felt a connection.
Then he disappeared.
Next thing you know, you’re left overanalyzing every message, scrolling through TikToks about emotionally unavailable men, and wondering how you didn’t see it coming.
This kind of confusion isn’t accidental; it’s intentional.
I’ve spent many hours listening to self-proclaimed “alpha males”, pickup artists, and redpill podcasts to summarize the crap they advise their followers so that you don’t have to.
Below are the dating red flags, signs he’s using you, and the most common tricks players use to get you invested.
And how to outsmart them 😉
Contents
1. Competition Anxiety
This one is on top of all pickup artists’ tips. Players know that women are biologically wired to be drawn to high-value mates, especially ones who seem wanted by other women. So they manufacture that dynamic on purpose.
The goal is to trigger a scarcity mindset and make you feel lucky to be in the running.
Examples:
- He invites you to a party that turns out to be 20 women and 3 guys. (Dan Bilzerian literally recommends this in his book, Setup, as a way to get women into bed faster.)
- He takes you somewhere he knows the female staff will be extra friendly
- He flirts with a female friend while clocking your reaction
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
Stay aware of the situational context. If you find yourself at a party with a wildly uneven guy-to-girl ratio, you’re not socializing — you’re being staged. Leave.
In a 1:1 setting, the situation is salvageable. Because… this trick works both ways 😉.
And men are even more competitive than women.
If your date is pulling this move, don’t react. The key is to subtly signal your dating market value WITHOUT saying it outright. Maybe you flirt back with the bartender. Maybe you casually mention that you work with high-value men. Maybe Insta is not exactly empty.
So you can literally flip the script, but without being obvious.
You’re not here to audition. You’re the one with options.
2. The Investment Trick
This one’s straight out of sales psychology, also known as the foot-in-the-door technique. The idea is to get someone to do a small thing first, and they’re more likely to keep investing.
So they will ask you to do a small favor, which might feel casual, even charming. The goal is to get you subtly committed so that when things escalate, you’re already halfway in.
💡 Examples:
- “Let’s step outside for some air.” Not to connect, but to isolate. (Orion Taraban, a favorite redpill psychologist, recommends this to kick off compliance when trying to get women to bed)
- He challenges you to do shots — “just for fun.”
- He ropes you into a micro-task (holding something, choosing a drink) to elicit a submission dynamic
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
If it feels like you’re being steered instead of choosing, you are probably right and need to trust your gut. Especially if he is trying to get you drunk. You don’t owe anyone your time, energy, or errands just because they smiled and invited you to a date.
He is not trying to get to know you, so the only solution is to cut him loose.
3. The False Time Restraint
This recommendation by a pickup artist is all about creating urgency. A player walks up and says something like, “I’m about to head out, but can I get your number real quick?”
It feels spontaneous and flattering, like he just had to shoot his shot before vanishing forever. But it’s not random. It’s a tactic called false time restraint: creating a sense of limited time to lower your defenses. It is to make you feel he’s charmingly bold, overwhelmed by your allure, when really, he’s pulled this line several times that night.
💡 Examples:
- He pretends to be in a rush, so you feel flattered and flustered at the same time.
- He opens with urgency, gets your number, but does not contact you for days afterwards
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
Clock the pattern. On its own, it’s not always harmful, but it’s designed to bypass a real connection. Players use it so that they have an excuse not to have to converse with you. He doesn’t want to talk long enough for you to realize he’s not funny, interesting, and mainly not interested in what you have to say.
Depending on the context, you may give him your IG, but be prepared to block him if his follow-up suggests he does not want to get to know you for you. If he keeps speeding things up, the initial urgency was a game.
4. Negging
Negging is a manipulation tactic often used when a woman is perceived as more attractive or of higher value. The aim is to subtly chip away at her self-esteem so she starts seeing the man as being on her level, or even above it.
It’s designed to make you chase his approval, confuse tension for chemistry, and create a mini trauma-bond. In reality, it’s just the opening move in a longer power play.
💡 Examples:
- “I usually go for thinner girls, but you’ve got something.”
- “You don’t seem high-maintenance. I like that.”
- He is always “just joking” when you call him out on it. And it’s you who “can’t take a joke”.
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
Once you see it for what it is, which is thinly veiled insecurity, you’ll realize how unattractive this is.
You don’t need to explain yourself or match his energy. You can simply say, “You don’t seem happy in my company, so I’ll take my leave.” Say it calmly, smile, then walk.
Warning: it’s likely to trigger him.
5. The Two-Part Date Setup
If a date involves two locations, that’s not necessarily a red flag, especially if it takes place during daylight. But watch closely if the second one is at night, and alcohol gets introduced. Especially if it feels less like a mutual decision and more like a pre-planned “experience.”
What seems spontaneous is often strategic: build comfort first, then loosen boundaries with drinks. It’s not about connection. It’s about escalation.
💡 Examples:
- He picks a place close to his place for a first date
- He books dinner at a cozy spot… then conveniently suggests a nearby bar for “one drink.”
- The vibe shifts — less chatting, more pushing.
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
Never agree to a first date near his place; he needs to come to you. And feel free to set boundaries up front — “I don’t drink on first dates” is a complete sentence.
Then pay close attention to his reaction. A guy who’s actually into you won’t push. If it triggers him in both scenarios, congrats. You just dodged another hookup bullet.
For more info, see Why we don’t go to multiple locations on the first date (Reddit).
6. Strategic Vulnerability
Ah, the sensitive spiritual guy. These are the worst.
Strategic vulnerability is when a guy shares something deep, emotional, or trauma-related very early on, but not to build intimacy, but to fast-track trust. It’s less about being open and more about getting you to open up faster in return.
I personally find these the most dangerous because we are conditioned to fall for this easily. It’s love-bombing’s emotionally manipulative cousin.
💡 Examples:
- “I’ve never told anyone this before…” on a first date
- He tells you about a tragic breakup or a childhood trauma within the first hour.
- He opens up just enough to seem emotionally intelligent, but avoids responsibility or reflection
🧠 How to outsmart it:
Don’t mistake emotional intensity for a connection. Real intimacy unfolds over time. Healthy men do open up to connect, but they don’t rush. If he’s rushing the bond and he is not willing to slow down, cut him loose.
7. Ambiguity as a Strategy
“Let’s just see where this goes.”
It sounds chill. Mature, even. But when a guy uses ambiguity consistently, it’s not about being laid-back. It’s about keeping his options open while keeping you around.
If nothing is defined, nothing can be held accountable. You’re “talking,” not dating. You’re “vibing,” not in a situationship. He gets the perks of connection, without the responsibility of commitment.
💡 Examples:
- He avoids relationship labels with phrases like “I’m just going with the flow.”
- He tells you he’s “not ready for anything serious”, but introduces you to his friends
- He gets weird or distant anytime you ask what this is
🧠 How to outsmart it:
Block him and bless your feed with thirst traps.
8. The Push-Pull Pattern
Love-bombs you Monday, ghosts you Tuesday, texts “u up?” by Friday.
This is classic push-pull. And it usually means one of two things:
a) He’s deliberately creating emotional whiplash because redpill podcast told him it makes women obsessed.
b) You’re just a placeholder to him. Someone he hits up when he’s bored, then drops when his dream girl replies.
Both are shit.
💡 Examples:
- He makes intense plans, says he misses you… Then ghosts for a week
- He gives you a deep, connected date, then goes cold with no explanation
- Just as you’re over it, he reappears with “I’ve been thinking about you.”
🧠 How to outsmart it:
If he is playing games, you can play him back the same way, but the question is: Why would you? His emotional insecurity is likely to backfire sooner or later, and it’s very unattractive.
If you are just a placeholder, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Just focus on your glow-up to piss him off (and it will), but do not respond when he comes back (and he will). Why?
Because the first rule of the club is: never be someone’s placeholder!!!
It might steal years of your life you will never get back.
9. Loveboming
Lovebombing is designed for one purpose: to speed everything up. And speeding everything up only benefits men, never women. The aim is to fast-forward the intimacy and escalate to sex quickly.
And what makes it especially difficult is that it’s hard to distinguish between lovebombing and genuine interest.
💡 Examples:
- Frequent contact, dates, and attention shortly after the first meeting
- He mirrors your values, your dreams, even your trauma, to make you feel like you’re soulmates
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
Slow. Everything. Down. Most players won’t make it past the 2–3 month mark once they realize they can’t fast-track your boundaries.
10. The Luxury Flex
Status signals are part of attraction, and players know it. That’s why some of them lean hard into luxury as a shortcut to seduction. You are especially susceptible to this if you are very young and/or broke.
It’s not that luxury is bad. It’s that some guys use it intentionally to appear as the ‘provider’ women look for, without having any intention to follow up on it.
💡 Examples:
- He flashes wealth early and expects praise or submission in return
- He name-drops brands, VIP events, or high-status people on the first date
- His lifestyle looks impressive, but intimacy is still pending
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
There’s nothing wrong with receiving gifts 😉. But always reward attention, not price tags.
If he expects access just because he bought you a drink, dinner, or designer bag, he’s not generous — he’s transactional.
And if he is not generous, his wealth is irrelevant.
11. False Future Promises (aka Breadcrumbing)
He talks about the future like you’re already in it, but never actually commits to anything real.
This tactic, also known as breadcrumbing, is about placating. He dangles future milestones (“I could see us living together,” “Someday I want kids,” “I’ve never felt this way before”) to buy time and emotional access, without offering clarity or follow-through. In this scenario, you are also likely to be just a placeholder.
💡 Examples:
- He says you could go on a weekend getaway, but never follow up on it
- He hints at commitment down the line, but stays vague when you ask specifics
- He makes long-term suggestions early on… but short-term actions don’t match
🧠 How to Outsmart It:
Future words don’t mean anything if they’re not backed by present behavior. Pay attention to what he’s doing, not what he makes you fantasize about.
And remember the first rule of the club: never be someone’s placeholder!!!
Conclusion
What do all these tricks have in common? Control. Confusion. Manufactured scarcity. They’re not random — they’re classic dating red flags dressed up as charm
The biggest trick players pull? Acting like they’re complicated.
They’re not.
Most are just running the same tired script: confuse, impress, manipulate, repeat. Once you recognize the signs he’s using you — the push-pull, vague texts, rushed intimacy, and strategic vulnerability — it stops feeling personal. And that’s when the game starts to fall apart.
You don’t need to match his energy. You just need to stop playing.
It will drive him nuts.
PS: Got a tip I missed? Drop it in the comments. Let’s outsmart these clowns together 😘
Anti-Player Essentials
Congratulations, you’ve just dodged a walking red flag in designer sneakers. Now what?
These picks are for the woman who’s done playing along. They will help you process, reset, and remind yourself that the trash took itself out.
This section contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you buy something, at no extra cost to you, but with emotional compensation for my time spent decoding f*ckboy behavior.
View the disclaimer for more info.
See Also
How to Spot a Player: The Psychology of Emotionally Unavailable Men
